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LET’S pretend I want to find out how to have sex.
So I consult the big encyclopaedia in the sky because clearly if you can find 14,000 recipes for chicken biryani and how to fix an iPhone when it fails to ring (turn the sound button on) then surely you can learn how to have sex.
Yet typing “how to have sex” into Google produces woeful results.
First up is an information sheet from ReachOut.
“Make sure you use condoms or dams to protect yourself.” Dams? What like rocks in a river so the water can’t pass through? Imagine you’re a 16-year-old reading this stuff.
The next page “How to have vaginal sex” is from an organisation called Avert. Org which sounds like something Jane Austen would recommend. “When a man and a woman have sexual intercourse — where a man’s penis enters the woman’s vagina — it is called vaginal sex.”
Goodness, how illuminating.
Fortunately the third offering — a YouTube video called How To Have Sex — shows a Barbie doll being humped in all manner of positions by Ken whose climax is portrayed by the cracking of a raw egg, presumably because egg white resembles semen? Or because the egg signifies conception?
Who knows but the video has been viewed 24 million times so clearly a lot of people need to know what to do between the sheets.
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The fact is, in the age of information it’s virtually impossible to find out how to have playful, loving, respectful and consensual sex.
Think about it — if you’re young and horny and keen to learn how to get your rocks off — where do you go to learn how to do it?
In movies, obviously, although if they’re you’re only source material you’d think every woman had pert breasts, every man had a triangular-shaped torso, women moan a lot and no one has ever heard of the clitoris much less thought to stimulate it.
Depending on your movie selection you might presume women look like an electrocuted fish thrashing about in a pool (Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls), you need a special room (Fifty Shades of Grey) condoms are unnecessary (James Bond) or sex is just really awkward (Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck in Gigli).
TV’s no better but for calculating how many people you can sleep with in a year if you change partners every night (Geordie Shore) or the benefits of swapping partners if you’ve got problems with the current one (Seven Year Switch). Honestly, you’d be better off asking your parents for advice.
Porn will give a broader education particularly if your areas of interest are oversized appendages, vegetables as accessories or method acting — aka how to look like you’re enjoying life while having your head pulled back and having aforementioned appendages thrust into your orifices.
Obviously if you’re still at school you can rely on sex education complete with anatomical diagrams, nonsensical euphemisms (“that tickly feeling”), baseball metaphors and values formulated when Queen Victoria was on the throne.
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Granted, PDHPE lessons now include sessions on “feelings” and a checklist of what you might look for in a partner. Someone who “complements me” and “sends an SMS daily” feature in the worksheet given out at my daughter’s school. Obviously the Safe Schools program will make everyone tolerant of everyone else’s sexual and gender preferences but it still doesn’t teach HOW TO HAVE SEX.
Is it any wonder teens ask their mates and end up being horribly misled?
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Thank goodness then for a new web video series called FCK YES? which despite missing a vowel is the best indication of real sex since, well, since … actually there’s been nothing else. The first episode, which came out last week, features a man and woman getting it on until they realise they don’t have a condom. It’s real, honest, funny, enjoyable and, yes, sexy.
Writer/director Emily Best assembled an all-women team to produce the series which promotes consent as something sexy and cool.
Forthcoming episodes include a teenage couple figuring out how to take the first step, a lesbian couple talking about penetration and a long-term couple navigating porn. She also intends to feature a Muslim couple and a transgender person.
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Here’s hoping this is the start of a flood of material that normalises sex or at least offers something more relatable than wall to wall porn. Heaven forbid, someone may even mention the clitoris.